"Our appeal is getting more selective", a euphemism from the ever-quotable <i>This Is Spinal Tap</i>. Translation: we're losing fans.

More recent examples of the genre have occurred to me of late. Translations in brackets.

"We've recorded 300 new songs" (but hardly any of them are any good…)

"We had to scrap an entire album and re-record this one in a much shorter time. By doing so, we think's it's our best yet.. it's more organic, more 'live.'" (We ran out of ideas, then money, and have made our worst record yet.)

"We've parted company with our label. It was the right time to move on." (the last album didn't sell, and we've been dropped)

"We've got a Greatest Hits album coming out" (the last album REALLY didn't sell).

Morrissey talks to the NME this week.

Or rather, he's taken out a half-page advert saying "Thank you!" to the people who have bought tickets to his sold-out concerts at the Royal Albert Hall next week. Still unusual after all these years.

Meanwhile, US talk show host Craig Kilborn has <a href="http://www.morrissey-solo.com/article.pl?sid=02/09/12/0850202&mode=thread">discussed Morrissey</a> with his guest Snoop Dogg –

Craig – "Have you heard of Morrissey, from The Smiths? Do you know who is?"
Snoop – "Yeah, Yeah."
Craig – "He's good, right?"
Snoop – "Yeah, he's sharp."

"Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" – Morrissey.

"You Can Get It If You Really Want" – Desmond Dekker.

Dickon Gets Into Reggae Shock.

The current UK Number One is "The Tide Is High" by Atomic Kitten. Originally the song was, of course, a hit by… The Paragons in 1967.

Hands up if you thought Blondie wrote it.

Well, I did, I'm ashamed to say. So by way of self-education, I've just purchased <a href="http://www.trojanrecords.com/tr%20secure/trojan/library/younggiftedmain.htm">"Young, Gifted & Black"</a>, a new double CD compilation of vintage Trojan Records hits: 60s and 70s reggae, ska, rocksteady, etc. There's dozens of Trojan compilation box sets, all beautifully packaged, but this really does seem to have all the essentials on it: Desmond Dekker, Jimmy Cliff, Susan Cadogan et al. "My Boy Lollipop", "Uptown Top Ranking", "Black Pearl", "Police and Thieves", "You Can Get It If You Really Want" and so on. Plus the original (and superior) versions of all those Shaggy and UB40 songs. And the original of "The Tide Is High". It's a fantastic compilation of great pop music. Even Morrissey would enjoy it.

I'm doing my utmost to avoid all these helpful "Happy Birthday Bad Thing" pull-out spreads and umpteen documentaries on TV.

Many articles are along the lines of "Aren't Bad Things Bad? I Hate Bad Things." And "We salute firefighters, those brave and selfless heroes. Except the ones over here who are threatening to go on strike for more pay, the selfish money-grubbing swines." And "I shall never forget what I was doing when I heard the news. I was listening to the news."

One birthday present of note:

Fosca are Number One in the charts this week.

Well, okay, we're Number One in the list of "top selling bands in the last month" at:

http://www.pennyblackmusic.com/

But I'm still delighted.

It's sixteen places above Motorhead.

September 3rd marks my thirty-first birthday.

I shall be spending it trying to go on as if nothing unpleasant has happened.

Here is a photo of me taken at The Rabbit Hole club, Oxford Street, last week. It's from the <a href="http://www.irlondon.co.uk">irLondon website</a>.

<lj-cut text="Photo here">
<img src="http://www.fosca.com/DSCF0023.jpg"></img>
</lj-cut>

Last night's "Four To The Floor" night was great fun.

At one point during his Prince set, Mr Price held up a sign saying "PRINCE INVENTED TEXT MESSAGING."

A thought occurred to me while Ms Minogue's "Step Back In Time" was played. It's a hit from about 1990, when she was with Messrs Stock Aiken and Waterman. Mr Waterman always boasted about having "Woolworths Ears". By this he claimed to know the secret of writing pop lyrics that appeal to small children, who were Ms Minogue's sole target market at the time.

On this occasion, though, he seemed to forget himself:

Kylie: (sings) <i>Do you remember the O-Jays?</i>
Small children: No.

Dickon wears white socks.

I often get into terrible trouble for this. My own reason is that, at school, the 'White Sock Brigade' was the term for the English equivalent of rednecks. 'Townies' is another. So one reason for me wearing them is simple reclamation of territory. Even townies don't wear white socks anymore. They're that rough. Another reason is that I rather like them. Their current status as fashion anathema gives them, in my eyes, a sly degree of forbidden fruit fetishism.

Or so I thought. In Q Magazine this month, the boy in The White Stripes, possibly the most fashionable band of the moment, can be seen displaying a palpably white-clothed gap between his black shoes and red trousers.

Does this means white socks are finally back in? And, like a stopped clock, I am fashionable simply by brazening it out?

There's a kind review of our album in today's Independent On Sunday. Four stars out of five.

Soundbite heading: "daft synthpop". Which rather makes us sound like Frank Sidebottom. Daft as in ridiculous, though, is fair enough. I'll be the first to admit that my entire existence is the result of some cruel practical joke.

Generous quotes of my lyrics, which I always approve of. I exist to please.

And I still can't sing. Well, I am all too sadly aware of the fact. That's why there's no cover versions. I'm actually only too happy for the songs to be sung by someone else. They just have to be right, that's all. If someone out there thinks they're the ideal exponent for Dickon Edwards songs, do get in touch. Seriously. I always dreamed of there being the equivalent of "Ella Fitzgerald Sings The Dickon Edwards Songbook". Or "Johnny Ray Does Dickon."