My responses to a recent Chickfactor poll about behaviour at gigs:
<i>Couples who make out: stop. if it gets you in the mood, save it or stay home and listen to the record. sorry, that¹s not in the form of a question. comments?</i>
I tend to get couples BREAKING UP at my gigs. So I'm doing something right.
<i>in what circumstances do you feel it¹s okay to ask to be on a friend¹s band¹s guest list? why/why not?</i>
If it's a small gig, the band have day jobs and the door price is cheaper than buying a couple of drinks, I think it's fair enough to pay one's way in. If the show is a big venue and the band are drinking nectar from the navels of Brewer Street rent boys between songs, I only go if I can get in free. Basic Robin Hood tactics, really. If the show is sold out and the only way of getting in is by being on the list, then that's fair enough too.
<i> tall people: are you at all self-conscious when you stand in front of people half of your size? does it occur to you to ask if you are interfering with someone's view, especially if you shift mid-show? do you move if someone politely asks you to?</i>
I nearly always manage to have some twit in a ponytail standing in front of me at most gigs. It's even happened at Pulp shows. I try to move, but they usually follow me about.
<i> do you ever notice people cutting in line and acting like they¹re sidling up to their friends? ok or not ok?</i>
Entirely fair enough. If someone has reached the point where they have to pretend they have friends, who am I to deny them?
<i> when, if ever, is floor sitting acceptable at shows? why/why not?</i>
Only if such people reserve the right not to mind when I trip over them.
<i> are there different rules of etiquette for chichi sit-down concerts than for beer halls? why/why not?</i>
Moshing is less common at seated gigs. Still, I saw some kids moshing down the front at the Magnetic Fields' set at the Royal Festival Hall. Despite the lack of drums of any kind, they danced away.
<i>for musicians: under what circumstances are requests acceptable? why/why not?</i>
Only if they can see the set list better than me.
<i> is it rude to refer to artists you don't know by their first names? why/why not?</i>
I prefer to refer to everyone as Mr or Ms. I hate that showbiz fake camaraderie. I have no fake friends. I have hardly any real friends, either, so perhaps I should revise my attitude.
<i>are you self-conscious about stage banter? aware that people came to hear music, not jokes? </i>
I try to start up conversations with my bandmates on stage. It's the only time I ever speak to them and I forget what conversation sounds like otherwise.
<i> when (if ever) is appropriate to sleep with one¹s band members? crew? roadies? other people's band members?</i>
Only if you are in Fleetwood Mac.
<i> have your fellow band members ever given you a hard time about what you wear onstage? </i>
I ban the wearing of trainers in my band. This makes us the most experimental band in Christendom.
<i> what do you think of people asking to be on the guest list? just part of the game or do you find it inappropriate?</i>
I don't mind, as long as they return the favour. They rarely do, though. I'm not important enough to their careers. So I have to gatecrash their aftershows using my fabulous technique and embarrass them for the self-seeking showbiz whores they really are.
