Just back from the doctor’s, where I am given a second gentle grilling by the ADHD specialist in the presence of my GP. He’s delighted that I’ve managed to get down to a new work discipline with the diary, with the help of the sponsorship scheme. It proves I can focus on one thing and get it done, and on a daily basis. Which rather negates any ADHD de facto. That’s one thing cleared up.<\/p>\n
I also don’t appear to be quite as depressed any more. They both remark on a real outward change since they last saw me. Well, what can I say? It’s the Diary Angels sponsorship: not charity or benefits but investment in work I can do, work which only I can do, work which I take pride in, and work which I work AT. We’re back to the stadium full of U2 fans who are there out of pity or sarcasm. Less an idea for a comedy sketch, more a philosophical model about the reasons why people part with a little of their money and time for some things, while other things are free.<\/p>\n
Some people make sense of their life through anti-depressive drugs, some do so through routine, some with religion and some with the love of a significant other. I’ve tried the first one (and preferred not to), feel the second one isn’t enough, haven’t found a calling for the third, and haven’t had much luck with the fourth. Yet. One thing at a time. But the Diary Angels works for me. It just took me ten years to find out.<\/p>\n
Money should never just be meagre compensation for time wasted doing something you hate, which is the way I viewed it while doing all those minimum wage jobs in the past. It should be a due reward for worthwhile work done well.<\/p>\n
I’m reminded of a terse conversation with my boss at the Bristol accountancy firm I once worked at. He passed by my desk, dumped a huge amount of documents on it and told me to process them by lunchtime.<\/p>\n
I must have pulled an expression of sheer unhappiness.<\/p>\n
Boss: What’s the matter?<\/p>\n
And then I made a mistake. I gave him an honest answer. Which was the wrong answer.<\/p>\n
Me: Um, I’d really rather not do this.<\/p>\n
This is an example of my occasional bouts of disastrous honesty. You can either interpret them as a yen for the philosophical, or a touch of Asperger’s, or both. These days, I’m a lot better at this particularly adult game. Every day, I find a new way of politely saying ‘no’ to something without actually saying ‘no’. They should really put it on the school curriculum. But I digress.<\/p>\n
Me: Um, I’d really rather not do this.
\nBoss: (suddenly angry) WELL THAT’S JUST WHY YOU’RE BEING PAID AND NOT DOING IT FOR FREE, THEN, ISN’T IT!<\/p>\n
He stormed off, and I was sacked the following week. Which I can understand. The pile of documents didn’t need me and me only to do them. There was no way I could have processed them in a particularly Dickon Edwards style. In fact, I tended to make more mistakes than the average typist, which on statements of figures is particularly crucial. I was bad at my job, and had no desire to become better. I admire all those who can hold down jobs they’d rather not do, but persevere purely for the money. I’m just not one of them.<\/p>\n
At our first meeting, the ADHD specialist had suggested that I consider becoming a mature student and get myself an English degree. This would give me a sense of improvement and purpose, bring ‘closure’ to my dropping-out at 17 when I was trying for Oxford or Cambridge, and I could then, he said, work towards becoming a teacher. To be fair this was only on his first impression of me. I have the air of someone who knows about things; hence teaching.<\/p>\n
But from my time in the evening class last year, I know I’m just no good in a class environment, whether as student or teacher. I’ve written before about my inclination to befriend the teacher against my fellow students – and how the universe responded at the evening class by sending a teacher who happened to already BE a friend.<\/p>\n
As for me teaching, well that WOULD be a comedy sketch. Every third utteration of mine would be something searingly inappropriate or irrelevant. Interesting, certainly. But I would be sacked. Actually, that’s more or less what Richard Griffiths’s character is like in The History Boys<\/em>. The students have an inspirational figure, but at what cost to him?<\/p>\n Today, I realise there are types of work I CAN do, which people want me to do, and which I want to do. Not typing up accounts for huge companies, badly. Not teaching, badly.<\/p>\n Something like this.<\/p>\n Well.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Just back from the doctor’s, where I am given a second gentle grilling by the ADHD specialist in the presence of my GP. He’s delighted that I’ve managed to get down to a new work discipline with the diary, with the help of the sponsorship scheme. It proves I can focus on one thing and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-678","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dickonedwards.com\/diary\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/678","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dickonedwards.com\/diary\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dickonedwards.com\/diary\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dickonedwards.com\/diary\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dickonedwards.com\/diary\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=678"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.dickonedwards.com\/diary\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/678\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dickonedwards.com\/diary\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=678"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dickonedwards.com\/diary\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=678"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dickonedwards.com\/diary\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=678"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}